2 stories credited to Crooked Media
Latest story Apr 17, 2026 · on ChamberLight since Apr 2026 · on substack.com
A story can appear as several articles (copies of the same piece), so counts of stories and of articles differ.
Scores for Crooked Media
Writing quality not enough rated stories yet: 2 of 10. How it is measured
Scores last checked Sep 24, 2026.
Stories ChamberLight collected, by month
Stories credited to Crooked Media, by publication date. ChamberLight collects articles that mention the officials it tracks, so this shows its own coverage of this source, not how much the source publishes.
- Stories from Crooked Media
- Shaded: ChamberLight collected no stories, or almost none, from any outlet (a gap in its collection, not in the outlet’s publishing)
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| Month | Stories | All outlets |
|---|---|---|
| April 2026 | 2 | 4,537 |
| May 2026 | 0 | none collected |
| June 2026 | 0 | none collected |
| July 2026 | 0 | none collected |
| August 2026 | 0 | 1 (collection gap) |
| September 2026 | 0 | 598 |
Top topics
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- Economy2
100% of 2 stories · 26% across all outlets
- Foreign Policy2
100% of 2 stories · 30% across all outlets
- Defense/Military1
50% of 2 stories · 26% across all outlets
- Ethics/Corruption1
50% of 2 stories · 62% across all outlets
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- Republican83% · 5 pairs
- Independent17% · 1 pair
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- Good Look
- 0 (0%)
- Mixed
- 2 (100%)
- Informational
- 0 (0%)
- Bad Look
- 0 (0%)
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Articles served from crookedmedia.substack.com
6
What A Day: The Straits of Vermouth
THE STRUGGLE ISRAEL Time is running out in Donald Trump’s two-week ceasefire with Iran, as diplomats scramble to avoid further attacks. Lives — and the global economy — are on the line. Plenty of things have made President Donald Trump’s ceasefire with Iran look precarious. Among the big ones: Israel’s refusal to stop bombing Lebanon as it targets Hezbollah militants. But that obstacle at least temporarily disappeared today, in a cautiously hopeful sign of diplomatic progress with Iran. A ceasefire deal between Israel and Lebanon came together after Trump spoke with Lebanese President Joseph Aoun and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Trump wrote on social media this morning. The 10-day ceasefire began at 5 p.m. Eastern today. The temporary deal counts as a small, but significant, diplomatic win — if it holds. Yet the pause in fighting also shows just how fraught the next stage of talks aimed at ending the war with Iran could be. The players, and the motives, in this dynamic remain incredibly complex. The stakes of securing peace with Iran are getting higher every day. The U.S. will resume bombing Iran if the country doesn’t “choose wisely” in peace talks, War Secretary Pete Hegseth told reporters this morning. Trump, however, was full of sunny optimism about prospects for a deal; he suggested that the next round of in-person talks could happen this weekend. But American and Iranian negotiators are reportedly scaling back the ambitions of a comprehensive peace agreement, instead seeking a “temporary memorandum” to prevent future fights, Reuters writes. Some gulf and European leaders think a serious deal could take six months, Bloomberg reported. The effects of the war on the global economy could become more severe soon. Europe only has about six weeks left of jet fuel because of oil shortages caused by the war in Iran, International Energy Agency head Fatih Birol told the Associated Press. “In the past there was a group called ‘Dire Straits.’ It’s a dire strait now,” he said. “It is going to have major implications for the global economy. And the longer it goes, the worse it will be for the economic growth and inflation around the world.” Trump wants to declare victory. But the road to lasting peace could be long and complicated. WHAT ELSE? 👀 Republicans are growing increasingly worried that Trump’s erratic actions will hurt them in the midterms. “The road to victory runs through a consistent economic message,” Bryan Lanza, a top adviser of Trump’s 2024 campaign, told Politico. “Unfortunately, President Trump ignores the road map.” Donald Trump’s project to build a massive arch in the nation’s capitol moved forward today following approval from the Commission of Fine Arts. But even the architecture critic who encouraged Trump to build a celebratory arch, doesn’t like it: “I was proposing a celebratory project,” Catesby Leigh told the New York Times. “An arch of not titanic dimensions; an arch that could be built by July 4, 2026…. It’s way too big for that site.” A record number of Democratic senators voted against sending weapons to Israel. Only 7 of the 47 Democrats voted against the measure, introduced by Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT), in a sign of shifting attitudes toward one of America’s closest allies. Twenty-seven senators had supported Sanders’s previous effort to block arms sales to Israel. Ahmed Shihab-Eldin, a Kuwaiti-American journalist was detained in Kuwait last month, according to the Committee to Protect Journalists, raising concerns about a crackdown on free speech in the Middle East. “It is understood that authorities have charged him with spreading false information, harming national security and misusing his mobile phone — vague and overly broad accusations that are routinely used to silence independent journalists,” the committee wrote in a statement. There’s a petition to release him here. A Texas college student who allegedly tried to murder OpenAI CEO Sam Altman by burning down his house last week suggested “Luigi’ing some tech CEOs” in an online chat months ago, according to the Wall Street Journal. But the student later said in a recorded interview that the suggestion — an obvious reference to Luigi Mangione — shouldn’t be taken literally: “I understand the frustration with a person who might advocate for that, but it’s not practical,” he said. Hegseth read a fake Bible quote at a Pentagon prayer service on Wednesday… that appears to have been pulled from “Pulp Fiction,” Quentin Tarantino’s 1994 hit starring Samuel Jackson. In news that also should be shocking but isn’t, HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. once cut off a dead raccoon’s penis on a family road trip, according to a new book about him. I don’t need to read this book. LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️ A federal judge set limits on the White House ballroom construction, ruling that only an underground portion of the project — deemed necessary by the military — can move forward right now. “National security is not a blank check to proceed with otherwise unlawful activity,” District Judge Richard Leon wrote. Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell is actually more likely to remain at the Fed, due to Trump’s continued attacks against him, according to Politico. Trump renewed his threat to fire Powell from the body once his term is up in May, but Powell can stay on as a governor until 2028. Pope Leo criticized a “handful of tyrants” who are hurting the world with war and exploitation during a stop in Cameroon today. “Blessed are the peacemakers!” Leo told a crowd. “But woe to those who manipulate religion and the very name of God for their own military, economic and political gain, dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth.” I’m sure Trump will respond with a nonlegible Truth Social post at some point. The FAA is investigating after two pilots were caught making animal noises at each other over the radio. “Meow,” one said, to which the other responded: “Meow.” One air traffic controller who overheard the correspondence scolded them. “You guys, you need to be professional pilots. Their response? “Meow meow meow meow” and “Ruff! Ro-ro-ro-ro-ro!” Every profession has some type of insult that only makes sense to people in-the-know. Meow-gate revealed a hilarious one: “You guys... uh need to be professional…” the controller said, as the pilots made animal noises. “This is why you still fly [a regional jet].” Burn! A veteran journalist at the Boston Globe has been tasked with reading the news on video every day, simply because the internet loves her thick Boston accent so much. I worked on the very same desk at the Globe with this journalist, Emily Sweeney, for three years — and I can attest that she is a wicked awesome person. Go Emily! Check out one of her videos here, they’re great. This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
What A Day: The Straits of Vermouth
THE STRUGGLE ISRAEL Time is running out in Donald Trump’s two-week ceasefire with Iran, as diplomats scramble to avoid further attacks. Lives — and the global economy — are on the line. Plenty of things have made President Donald Trump’s ceasefire with Iran look precarious. Among the big ones: Israel’s refusal to stop bombing Lebanon as it targets Hezbollah militants. But that obstacle at least temporarily disappeared today, in a cautiously hopeful sign of diplomatic progress with Iran. A ceasefire deal between Israel and Lebanon came together after Trump spoke with Lebanese President Joseph Aoun and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Trump wrote on social media this morning. The 10-day ceasefire began at 5 p.m. Eastern today. The temporary deal counts as a small, but significant, diplomatic win — if it holds. Yet the pause in fighting also shows just how fraught the next stage of talks aimed at ending the war with Iran could be. The players, and the motives, in this dynamic remain incredibly complex. The stakes of securing peace with Iran are getting higher every day. The U.S. will resume bombing Iran if the country doesn’t “choose wisely” in peace talks, War Secretary Pete Hegseth told reporters this morning. Trump, however, was full of sunny optimism about prospects for a deal; he suggested that the next round of in-person talks could happen this weekend. But American and Iranian negotiators are reportedly scaling back the ambitions of a comprehensive peace agreement, instead seeking a “temporary memorandum” to prevent future fights, Reuters writes. Some gulf and European leaders think a serious deal could take six months, Bloomberg reported. The effects of the war on the global economy could become more severe soon. Europe only has about six weeks left of jet fuel because of oil shortages caused by the war in Iran, International Energy Agency head Fatih Birol told the Associated Press. “In the past there was a group called ‘Dire Straits.’ It’s a dire strait now,” he said. “It is going to have major implications for the global economy. And the longer it goes, the worse it will be for the economic growth and inflation around the world.” Trump wants to declare victory. But the road to lasting peace could be long and complicated. WHAT ELSE? 👀 Republicans are growing increasingly worried that Trump’s erratic actions will hurt them in the midterms. “The road to victory runs through a consistent economic message,” Bryan Lanza, a top adviser of Trump’s 2024 campaign, told Politico. “Unfortunately, President Trump ignores the road map.” Donald Trump’s project to build a massive arch in the nation’s capitol moved forward today following approval from the Commission of Fine Arts. But even the architecture critic who encouraged Trump to build a celebratory arch, doesn’t like it: “I was proposing a celebratory project,” Catesby Leigh told the New York Times. “An arch of not titanic dimensions; an arch that could be built by July 4, 2026…. It’s way too big for that site.” A record number of Democratic senators voted against sending weapons to Israel. Only 7 of the 47 Democrats voted against the measure, introduced by Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT), in a sign of shifting attitudes toward one of America’s closest allies. Twenty-seven senators had supported Sanders’s previous effort to block arms sales to Israel. Ahmed Shihab-Eldin, a Kuwaiti-American journalist was detained in Kuwait last month, according to the Committee to Protect Journalists, raising concerns about a crackdown on free speech in the Middle East. “It is understood that authorities have charged him with spreading false information, harming national security and misusing his mobile phone — vague and overly broad accusations that are routinely used to silence independent journalists,” the committee wrote in a statement. There’s a petition to release him here. A Texas college student who allegedly tried to murder OpenAI CEO Sam Altman by burning down his house last week suggested “Luigi’ing some tech CEOs” in an online chat months ago, according to the Wall Street Journal. But the student later said in a recorded interview that the suggestion — an obvious reference to Luigi Mangione — shouldn’t be taken literally: “I understand the frustration with a person who might advocate for that, but it’s not practical,” he said. Hegseth read a fake Bible quote at a Pentagon prayer service on Wednesday… that appears to have been pulled from “Pulp Fiction,” Quentin Tarantino’s 1994 hit starring Samuel Jackson. In news that also should be shocking but isn’t, HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. once cut off a dead raccoon’s penis on a family road trip, according to a new book about him. I don’t need to read this book. LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️ A federal judge set limits on the White House ballroom construction, ruling that only an underground portion of the project — deemed necessary by the military — can move forward right now. “National security is not a blank check to proceed with otherwise unlawful activity,” District Judge Richard Leon wrote. Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell is actually more likely to remain at the Fed, due to Trump’s continued attacks against him, according to Politico. Trump renewed his threat to fire Powell from the body once his term is up in May, but Powell can stay on as a governor until 2028. Pope Leo criticized a “handful of tyrants” who are hurting the world with war and exploitation during a stop in Cameroon today. “Blessed are the peacemakers!” Leo told a crowd. “But woe to those who manipulate religion and the very name of God for their own military, economic and political gain, dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth.” I’m sure Trump will respond with a nonlegible Truth Social post at some point. The FAA is investigating after two pilots were caught making animal noises at each other over the radio. “Meow,” one said, to which the other responded: “Meow.” One air traffic controller who overheard the correspondence scolded them. “You guys, you need to be professional pilots. Their response? “Meow meow meow meow” and “Ruff! Ro-ro-ro-ro-ro!” Every profession has some type of insult that only makes sense to people in-the-know. Meow-gate revealed a hilarious one: “You guys... uh need to be professional…” the controller said, as the pilots made animal noises. “This is why you still fly [a regional jet].” Burn! A veteran journalist at the Boston Globe has been tasked with reading the news on video every day, simply because the internet loves her thick Boston accent so much. I worked on the very same desk at the Globe with this journalist, Emily Sweeney, for three years — and I can attest that she is a wicked awesome person. Go Emily! Check out one of her videos here, they’re great. This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
What A Day: The Straits of Vermouth
THE STRUGGLE ISRAEL Time is running out in Donald Trump’s two-week ceasefire with Iran, as diplomats scramble to avoid further attacks. Lives — and the global economy — are on the line. Plenty of things have made President Donald Trump’s ceasefire with Iran look precarious. Among the big ones: Israel’s refusal to stop bombing Lebanon as it targets Hezbollah militants. But that obstacle at least temporarily disappeared today, in a cautiously hopeful sign of diplomatic progress with Iran. A ceasefire deal between Israel and Lebanon came together after Trump spoke with Lebanese President Joseph Aoun and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Trump wrote on social media this morning. The 10-day ceasefire began at 5 p.m. Eastern today. The temporary deal counts as a small, but significant, diplomatic win — if it holds. Yet the pause in fighting also shows just how fraught the next stage of talks aimed at ending the war with Iran could be. The players, and the motives, in this dynamic remain incredibly complex. The stakes of securing peace with Iran are getting higher every day. The U.S. will resume bombing Iran if the country doesn’t “choose wisely” in peace talks, War Secretary Pete Hegseth told reporters this morning. Trump, however, was full of sunny optimism about prospects for a deal; he suggested that the next round of in-person talks could happen this weekend. But American and Iranian negotiators are reportedly scaling back the ambitions of a comprehensive peace agreement, instead seeking a “temporary memorandum” to prevent future fights, Reuters writes. Some gulf and European leaders think a serious deal could take six months, Bloomberg reported. The effects of the war on the global economy could become more severe soon. Europe only has about six weeks left of jet fuel because of oil shortages caused by the war in Iran, International Energy Agency head Fatih Birol told the Associated Press. “In the past there was a group called ‘Dire Straits.’ It’s a dire strait now,” he said. “It is going to have major implications for the global economy. And the longer it goes, the worse it will be for the economic growth and inflation around the world.” Trump wants to declare victory. But the road to lasting peace could be long and complicated. WHAT ELSE? 👀 Republicans are growing increasingly worried that Trump’s erratic actions will hurt them in the midterms. “The road to victory runs through a consistent economic message,” Bryan Lanza, a top adviser of Trump’s 2024 campaign, told Politico. “Unfortunately, President Trump ignores the road map.” Donald Trump’s project to build a massive arch in the nation’s capitol moved forward today following approval from the Commission of Fine Arts. But even the architecture critic who encouraged Trump to build a celebratory arch, doesn’t like it: “I was proposing a celebratory project,” Catesby Leigh told the New York Times. “An arch of not titanic dimensions; an arch that could be built by July 4, 2026…. It’s way too big for that site.” A record number of Democratic senators voted against sending weapons to Israel. Only 7 of the 47 Democrats voted against the measure, introduced by Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT), in a sign of shifting attitudes toward one of America’s closest allies. Twenty-seven senators had supported Sanders’s previous effort to block arms sales to Israel. Ahmed Shihab-Eldin, a Kuwaiti-American journalist was detained in Kuwait last month, according to the Committee to Protect Journalists, raising concerns about a crackdown on free speech in the Middle East. “It is understood that authorities have charged him with spreading false information, harming national security and misusing his mobile phone — vague and overly broad accusations that are routinely used to silence independent journalists,” the committee wrote in a statement. There’s a petition to release him here. A Texas college student who allegedly tried to murder OpenAI CEO Sam Altman by burning down his house last week suggested “Luigi’ing some tech CEOs” in an online chat months ago, according to the Wall Street Journal. But the student later said in a recorded interview that the suggestion — an obvious reference to Luigi Mangione — shouldn’t be taken literally: “I understand the frustration with a person who might advocate for that, but it’s not practical,” he said. Hegseth read a fake Bible quote at a Pentagon prayer service on Wednesday… that appears to have been pulled from “Pulp Fiction,” Quentin Tarantino’s 1994 hit starring Samuel Jackson. In news that also should be shocking but isn’t, HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. once cut off a dead raccoon’s penis on a family road trip, according to a new book about him. I don’t need to read this book. LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️ A federal judge set limits on the White House ballroom construction, ruling that only an underground portion of the project — deemed necessary by the military — can move forward right now. “National security is not a blank check to proceed with otherwise unlawful activity,” District Judge Richard Leon wrote. Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell is actually more likely to remain at the Fed, due to Trump’s continued attacks against him, according to Politico. Trump renewed his threat to fire Powell from the body once his term is up in May, but Powell can stay on as a governor until 2028. Pope Leo criticized a “handful of tyrants” who are hurting the world with war and exploitation during a stop in Cameroon today. “Blessed are the peacemakers!” Leo told a crowd. “But woe to those who manipulate religion and the very name of God for their own military, economic and political gain, dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth.” I’m sure Trump will respond with a nonlegible Truth Social post at some point. The FAA is investigating after two pilots were caught making animal noises at each other over the radio. “Meow,” one said, to which the other responded: “Meow.” One air traffic controller who overheard the correspondence scolded them. “You guys, you need to be professional pilots. Their response? “Meow meow meow meow” and “Ruff! Ro-ro-ro-ro-ro!” Every profession has some type of insult that only makes sense to people in-the-know. Meow-gate revealed a hilarious one: “You guys... uh need to be professional…” the controller said, as the pilots made animal noises. “This is why you still fly [a regional jet].” Burn! A veteran journalist at the Boston Globe has been tasked with reading the news on video every day, simply because the internet loves her thick Boston accent so much. I worked on the very same desk at the Globe with this journalist, Emily Sweeney, for three years — and I can attest that she is a wicked awesome person. Go Emily! Check out one of her videos here, they’re great. This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
What A Day: The Straits of Vermouth
THE STRUGGLE ISRAEL Time is running out in Donald Trump’s two-week ceasefire with Iran, as diplomats scramble to avoid further attacks. Lives — and the global economy — are on the line. Plenty of things have made President Donald Trump’s ceasefire with Iran look precarious. Among the big ones: Israel’s refusal to stop bombing Lebanon as it targets Hezbollah militants. But that obstacle at least temporarily disappeared today, in a cautiously hopeful sign of diplomatic progress with Iran. A ceasefire deal between Israel and Lebanon came together after Trump spoke with Lebanese President Joseph Aoun and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Trump wrote on social media this morning. The 10-day ceasefire began at 5 p.m. Eastern today. The temporary deal counts as a small, but significant, diplomatic win — if it holds. Yet the pause in fighting also shows just how fraught the next stage of talks aimed at ending the war with Iran could be. The players, and the motives, in this dynamic remain incredibly complex. The stakes of securing peace with Iran are getting higher every day. The U.S. will resume bombing Iran if the country doesn’t “choose wisely” in peace talks, War Secretary Pete Hegseth told reporters this morning. Trump, however, was full of sunny optimism about prospects for a deal; he suggested that the next round of in-person talks could happen this weekend. But American and Iranian negotiators are reportedly scaling back the ambitions of a comprehensive peace agreement, instead seeking a “temporary memorandum” to prevent future fights, Reuters writes. Some gulf and European leaders think a serious deal could take six months, Bloomberg reported. The effects of the war on the global economy could become more severe soon. Europe only has about six weeks left of jet fuel because of oil shortages caused by the war in Iran, International Energy Agency head Fatih Birol told the Associated Press. “In the past there was a group called ‘Dire Straits.’ It’s a dire strait now,” he said. “It is going to have major implications for the global economy. And the longer it goes, the worse it will be for the economic growth and inflation around the world.” Trump wants to declare victory. But the road to lasting peace could be long and complicated. WHAT ELSE? 👀 Republicans are growing increasingly worried that Trump’s erratic actions will hurt them in the midterms. “The road to victory runs through a consistent economic message,” Bryan Lanza, a top adviser of Trump’s 2024 campaign, told Politico. “Unfortunately, President Trump ignores the road map.” Donald Trump’s project to build a massive arch in the nation’s capitol moved forward today following approval from the Commission of Fine Arts. But even the architecture critic who encouraged Trump to build a celebratory arch, doesn’t like it: “I was proposing a celebratory project,” Catesby Leigh told the New York Times. “An arch of not titanic dimensions; an arch that could be built by July 4, 2026…. It’s way too big for that site.” A record number of Democratic senators voted against sending weapons to Israel. Only 7 of the 47 Democrats voted against the measure, introduced by Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT), in a sign of shifting attitudes toward one of America’s closest allies. Twenty-seven senators had supported Sanders’s previous effort to block arms sales to Israel. Ahmed Shihab-Eldin, a Kuwaiti-American journalist was detained in Kuwait last month, according to the Committee to Protect Journalists, raising concerns about a crackdown on free speech in the Middle East. “It is understood that authorities have charged him with spreading false information, harming national security and misusing his mobile phone — vague and overly broad accusations that are routinely used to silence independent journalists,” the committee wrote in a statement. There’s a petition to release him here. A Texas college student who allegedly tried to murder OpenAI CEO Sam Altman by burning down his house last week suggested “Luigi’ing some tech CEOs” in an online chat months ago, according to the Wall Street Journal. But the student later said in a recorded interview that the suggestion — an obvious reference to Luigi Mangione — shouldn’t be taken literally: “I understand the frustration with a person who might advocate for that, but it’s not practical,” he said. Hegseth read a fake Bible quote at a Pentagon prayer service on Wednesday… that appears to have been pulled from “Pulp Fiction,” Quentin Tarantino’s 1994 hit starring Samuel Jackson. In news that also should be shocking but isn’t, HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. once cut off a dead raccoon’s penis on a family road trip, according to a new book about him. I don’t need to read this book. LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️ A federal judge set limits on the White House ballroom construction, ruling that only an underground portion of the project — deemed necessary by the military — can move forward right now. “National security is not a blank check to proceed with otherwise unlawful activity,” District Judge Richard Leon wrote. Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell is actually more likely to remain at the Fed, due to Trump’s continued attacks against him, according to Politico. Trump renewed his threat to fire Powell from the body once his term is up in May, but Powell can stay on as a governor until 2028. Pope Leo criticized a “handful of tyrants” who are hurting the world with war and exploitation during a stop in Cameroon today. “Blessed are the peacemakers!” Leo told a crowd. “But woe to those who manipulate religion and the very name of God for their own military, economic and political gain, dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth.” I’m sure Trump will respond with a nonlegible Truth Social post at some point. The FAA is investigating after two pilots were caught making animal noises at each other over the radio. “Meow,” one said, to which the other responded: “Meow.” One air traffic controller who overheard the correspondence scolded them. “You guys, you need to be professional pilots. Their response? “Meow meow meow meow” and “Ruff! Ro-ro-ro-ro-ro!” Every profession has some type of insult that only makes sense to people in-the-know. Meow-gate revealed a hilarious one: “You guys... uh need to be professional…” the controller said, as the pilots made animal noises. “This is why you still fly [a regional jet].” Burn! A veteran journalist at the Boston Globe has been tasked with reading the news on video every day, simply because the internet loves her thick Boston accent so much. I worked on the very same desk at the Globe with this journalist, Emily Sweeney, for three years — and I can attest that she is a wicked awesome person. Go Emily! Check out one of her videos here, they’re great. This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
What A Day: April Fool Proof Plan
TACO WEDNESDAY? What will Donald Trump tell the nation in his big address on the Iran war tonight? Don’t get your hopes up: His options are all terrible. President Donald Trump’s team is pitching an “important update on Iran” when he hits the airwaves at 9 p.m. Eastern. Early reports suggest he’s planning to declare victory and set yet another timeline for the end of the conflict, while criticizing the NATO military alliance for failing to help with his impulsive, ill-advised war of choice. What else does he have in mind? With this president, of course, all bets are off. But if past is precedent, he’ll once again attempt to bend reality to his will by using his big flappin’ mouth. That tactic has often worked for him in U.S. politics. War in the Middle East, however, is a totally different ball game — a lesson that he’s learning the hard way. Consider the oil crisis. White House staffers are discussing the prospect of oil climbing to at least $150 per barrel, and possibly even as high as $200, according to Politico. That would be catastrophic for the American economy: Gas prices reached $4 per gallon this week, and pricier oil would only exacerbate the affordability issue. Trump is scrambling. He flirted this week with the idea of ending the war and simply leaving the vital Strait of Hormuz oil route closed. If that happened, “there is no policy option to prevent oil prices from marching up toward $200 a barrel,” Jason Bordoff, an energy expert at Columbia University, told Axios. Walking away without a peace agreement would be a worst-case scenario, French President Emmanuel Macron said. Trump apparently changed his mind today, signaling that the U.S. might leave only if Iran opens the strait. But he can’t easily TACO himself out of this mess. “We will consider [a ceasefire] when the Hormuz Strait is open, free, and clear,” Trump wrote on social media. “Until then, we are blasting Iran into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages!!!” Iran’s military dismissed Trump’s threat as “performative” and asserted dominance over the waterway. Sure doesn’t seem like the oil route is opening up soon! One way out of this mess, Trump believes, is to bully his friends. He raised the idea of threatening to withdraw from NATO if allies don’t help open the Strait of Hormuz, the Wall Street Journal reports. European leaders, so far, have thrown cold water on that idea. The stakes of Trump’s speech tonight are high. His economic approval is at the lowest point of his entire political career, according to a new poll. Will Trump try to reopen the strait by force and risk long-time alliances? Will he deploy ground troops into Iran for risky operations, which military officials are planning for? Will he keep bombing Iran? Or will he simply walk away and declare victory? Trump has no good options, all thanks to his own shortsighted bravado. LOCAL FELON RETURNS TO COURT Washington D.C.’s most notorious felon spent the morning in court. And it looks like he lost — again. That, of course, would be Donald Trump, who took the unprecedented step of appearing personally in the Supreme Court today to leer at the justices debating his attempt to overturn the constitutional guarantee of birthright citizenship to those born in this country. And, judging from the tone of the debate, and Trump’s grumpiness afterwards, it looks like he’s about to get put in this place. “We are the only Country in the World STUPID enough to allow ‘Birthright’ Citizenship!” Trump wrote on social media afterwards. In fact, 32 other countries have similar birthright citizenship laws. Trump’s visit made him the first sitting president to ever attend a Supreme Court hearing in person. It was a stunning show of power (and overreach) by Trump. As Rep. Susie Lee (D-NV) wrote in a now-deleted tweet: “So fucking fucked up. I’ll prey they fuck him to his face. Sorry, I say fuck a lot these days.” His intimidation tactics failed. Consider this viral moment from the arguments: “We’re in a new world now … where 8 billion people are one plane ride away from having a child who’s a US citizen,” U.S. Solicitor General D. John Sauer said. Chief Justice John Roberts curtly replied: “It’s a new world. It’s the same Constitution.” The justices aren’t expected to make a formal ruling for months. But it’s very nice to see the Supreme Court actually stand up to Trump! WHAT ELSE? 👀 The end of the historically long partial government shutdown may be near, after GOP leaders agreed to pass a bill that funds all the Department of Homeland Security except for immigration enforcement. Donald Trump set a June 1 deadline for Republican lawmakers to fund the parts that remain, using a process that would allow them to circumvent Democrats. Iraqi authorities said they’re tracking down the people who apparently kidnapped American journalist Shelly Kittleson in Baghdad on Tuesday. A U.S. official blamed the abduction on an Iran-backed militia, according to the Associated Press. Kittleson developed a reputation for her freelance reporting in the Middle East, often producing gutsy journalism on a shoestring budget. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reversed the suspension of Army crewmembers who flew a helicopter to Kid Rock’s Nashville home to say hello. “Pilots suspension LIFTED. No punishment. No investigation. Carry on, patriots,” Hegseth tweeted Tuesday night. When Trump was asked about the incident, he said the aircrew “probably shouldn’t have been doing it” but “I’m sure they had a good time.” A judge ordered UPenn to hand over a list of Jewish employees requested by the Trump administration. “Though ineptly worded, the request had an understandable purpose — to obtain … information on individuals in Penn’s Jewish community who could have experienced or witnessed antisemitism in the workplace,” the judge wrote. The university plans to appeal the ruling, according to a spokesperson, who noted that UPenn doesn’t keep a list of employees based on their religion. I’m not surprised they don’t want to give a list of Jewish people to this administration, personally! LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️ NASA is poised to launch astronauts into space tonight for its first trip to the moon since 1972. It’s expected to be a quick 10-day out-and-back to the big rock. I’m planning on checking out former astronaut Sen. Mark Kelly’s (D-AZ) “ask me anything” forum on Reddit, where he’ll answer questions about the launch! The European Union banned officials from using AI-generated images in official messaging, marking an opposite approach to the Trump administration’s online shitposting. A new statue protesting Donald Trump popped up at the National Mall this morning, this time taking aim at his Golden Dome missile defense program. It involves a mannequin of Trump with rockets swarming a leaky golden umbrella above his head. “The Golden Dome will cost $4 trillion and spark a new arms race,” one plaque read. “For $4 trillion, we could make childcare affordable, erase student debt, and end homelessness.” Ben Cohen of Ben & Jerry’s took credit for the statue in a video posted on social media. NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani posted a skit on YouTube that features himself acting as a patient getting shots to make him less allergic to cats, while eclectic New York politician Curtis Sliwa plays the doctor. “You look very familiar,” Mamdani says. “Were you ever riding the trains in the wee hours in the morning from, like, 1980 to 1991,” responded Sliwa, who ran for mayor and founded the Guardian Angels organization that rode the subways. “I wasn’t … alive,” Mamdani said. A group of five Millennials in New York City are dominating the “Seinfeld” trivia circuit, with their strange ability to remember even the smallest details — like the brand of a lock that Jerry uses to secure his front door. The team, naturally, is named Venetian Blinds. This is impressive, but I’m pretty sure my dad could give them a run for their money. A search party in New Zealand found a hiker’s dog, which had gone missing after the hiker had to be evacuated due to falling off a 180-foot waterfall. The public raised more than $6,000 dollars to fund the rescue mission. After a week of wandering the woods, the border collie was spotted by a helicopter using thermal vision. “She knew what we were up to, I think,” one of the rescuers said. “She behaved real well. She didn’t run away and she was pleased to be rescued.” This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
What A Day: April Fool Proof Plan
TACO WEDNESDAY? What will Donald Trump tell the nation in his big address on the Iran war tonight? Don’t get your hopes up: His options are all terrible. President Donald Trump’s team is pitching an “important update on Iran” when he hits the airwaves at 9 p.m. Eastern. Early reports suggest he’s planning to declare victory and set yet another timeline for the end of the conflict, while criticizing the NATO military alliance for failing to help with his impulsive, ill-advised war of choice. What else does he have in mind? With this president, of course, all bets are off. But if past is precedent, he’ll once again attempt to bend reality to his will by using his big flappin’ mouth. That tactic has often worked for him in U.S. politics. War in the Middle East, however, is a totally different ball game — a lesson that he’s learning the hard way. Consider the oil crisis. White House staffers are discussing the prospect of oil climbing to at least $150 per barrel, and possibly even as high as $200, according to Politico. That would be catastrophic for the American economy: Gas prices reached $4 per gallon this week, and pricier oil would only exacerbate the affordability issue. Trump is scrambling. He flirted this week with the idea of ending the war and simply leaving the vital Strait of Hormuz oil route closed. If that happened, “there is no policy option to prevent oil prices from marching up toward $200 a barrel,” Jason Bordoff, an energy expert at Columbia University, told Axios. Walking away without a peace agreement would be a worst-case scenario, French President Emmanuel Macron said. Trump apparently changed his mind today, signaling that the U.S. might leave only if Iran opens the strait. But he can’t easily TACO himself out of this mess. “We will consider [a ceasefire] when the Hormuz Strait is open, free, and clear,” Trump wrote on social media. “Until then, we are blasting Iran into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages!!!” Iran’s military dismissed Trump’s threat as “performative” and asserted dominance over the waterway. Sure doesn’t seem like the oil route is opening up soon! One way out of this mess, Trump believes, is to bully his friends. He raised the idea of threatening to withdraw from NATO if allies don’t help open the Strait of Hormuz, the Wall Street Journal reports. European leaders, so far, have thrown cold water on that idea. The stakes of Trump’s speech tonight are high. His economic approval is at the lowest point of his entire political career, according to a new poll. Will Trump try to reopen the strait by force and risk long-time alliances? Will he deploy ground troops into Iran for risky operations, which military officials are planning for? Will he keep bombing Iran? Or will he simply walk away and declare victory? Trump has no good options, all thanks to his own shortsighted bravado. LOCAL FELON RETURNS TO COURT Washington D.C.’s most notorious felon spent the morning in court. And it looks like he lost — again. That, of course, would be Donald Trump, who took the unprecedented step of appearing personally in the Supreme Court today to leer at the justices debating his attempt to overturn the constitutional guarantee of birthright citizenship to those born in this country. And, judging from the tone of the debate, and Trump’s grumpiness afterwards, it looks like he’s about to get put in this place. “We are the only Country in the World STUPID enough to allow ‘Birthright’ Citizenship!” Trump wrote on social media afterwards. In fact, 32 other countries have similar birthright citizenship laws. Trump’s visit made him the first sitting president to ever attend a Supreme Court hearing in person. It was a stunning show of power (and overreach) by Trump. As Rep. Susie Lee (D-NV) wrote in a now-deleted tweet: “So fucking fucked up. I’ll prey they fuck him to his face. Sorry, I say fuck a lot these days.” His intimidation tactics failed. Consider this viral moment from the arguments: “We’re in a new world now … where 8 billion people are one plane ride away from having a child who’s a US citizen,” U.S. Solicitor General D. John Sauer said. Chief Justice John Roberts curtly replied: “It’s a new world. It’s the same Constitution.” The justices aren’t expected to make a formal ruling for months. But it’s very nice to see the Supreme Court actually stand up to Trump! WHAT ELSE? 👀 The end of the historically long partial government shutdown may be near, after GOP leaders agreed to pass a bill that funds all the Department of Homeland Security except for immigration enforcement. Donald Trump set a June 1 deadline for Republican lawmakers to fund the parts that remain, using a process that would allow them to circumvent Democrats. Iraqi authorities said they’re tracking down the people who apparently kidnapped American journalist Shelly Kittleson in Baghdad on Tuesday. A U.S. official blamed the abduction on an Iran-backed militia, according to the Associated Press. Kittleson developed a reputation for her freelance reporting in the Middle East, often producing gutsy journalism on a shoestring budget. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reversed the suspension of Army crewmembers who flew a helicopter to Kid Rock’s Nashville home to say hello. “Pilots suspension LIFTED. No punishment. No investigation. Carry on, patriots,” Hegseth tweeted Tuesday night. When Trump was asked about the incident, he said the aircrew “probably shouldn’t have been doing it” but “I’m sure they had a good time.” A judge ordered UPenn to hand over a list of Jewish employees requested by the Trump administration. “Though ineptly worded, the request had an understandable purpose — to obtain … information on individuals in Penn’s Jewish community who could have experienced or witnessed antisemitism in the workplace,” the judge wrote. The university plans to appeal the ruling, according to a spokesperson, who noted that UPenn doesn’t keep a list of employees based on their religion. I’m not surprised they don’t want to give a list of Jewish people to this administration, personally! LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️ NASA is poised to launch astronauts into space tonight for its first trip to the moon since 1972. It’s expected to be a quick 10-day out-and-back to the big rock. I’m planning on checking out former astronaut Sen. Mark Kelly’s (D-AZ) “ask me anything” forum on Reddit, where he’ll answer questions about the launch! The European Union banned officials from using AI-generated images in official messaging, marking an opposite approach to the Trump administration’s online shitposting. A new statue protesting Donald Trump popped up at the National Mall this morning, this time taking aim at his Golden Dome missile defense program. It involves a mannequin of Trump with rockets swarming a leaky golden umbrella above his head. “The Golden Dome will cost $4 trillion and spark a new arms race,” one plaque read. “For $4 trillion, we could make childcare affordable, erase student debt, and end homelessness.” Ben Cohen of Ben & Jerry’s took credit for the statue in a video posted on social media. NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani posted a skit on YouTube that features himself acting as a patient getting shots to make him less allergic to cats, while eclectic New York politician Curtis Sliwa plays the doctor. “You look very familiar,” Mamdani says. “Were you ever riding the trains in the wee hours in the morning from, like, 1980 to 1991,” responded Sliwa, who ran for mayor and founded the Guardian Angels organization that rode the subways. “I wasn’t … alive,” Mamdani said. A group of five Millennials in New York City are dominating the “Seinfeld” trivia circuit, with their strange ability to remember even the smallest details — like the brand of a lock that Jerry uses to secure his front door. The team, naturally, is named Venetian Blinds. This is impressive, but I’m pretty sure my dad could give them a run for their money. A search party in New Zealand found a hiker’s dog, which had gone missing after the hiker had to be evacuated due to falling off a 180-foot waterfall. The public raised more than $6,000 dollars to fund the rescue mission. After a week of wandering the woods, the border collie was spotted by a helicopter using thermal vision. “She knew what we were up to, I think,” one of the rescuers said. “She behaved real well. She didn’t run away and she was pleased to be rescued.” This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.